Entry #28: I Never Needed You (Quiet Thoughts)

It feels like forever ago since you broke my heart. You've moved on easily, it was always easy for you. You lacked those parts that would make someone empathetic I think. You were selfish with my heart, and my love I had for you. But the pain has lessened with each passing day, and with each passing moment. I think of you less and less. I feel you escaping my mind. Images of happiness and intimacy have faded and become worn. It feels like it was a dream I had dreamt. More so a nightmare now. I wish it were though, I wish it never happened. Something is different since that day, a mark has been left upon me. Something I can't undo because of you. Something you tore from me and I never got back. Something that twisted me up inside. That part of me doesn't work as it should anymore, it feels hollow and cold. I hate you for it. I'll never forgive you for it. When I do think of you, it's nothing pleasant or sorrowful anymore, it's just hate. I can't stand that your lips touched mine. I can't stand that your skin was upon mine. I can't stand that I shared the deepest reaches of myself with someone like you. The light has gone out, and the stars illuminate the ugliness in you. All I see is the ugliness that I was blinded to. I dream of the day where I can let go of the hate, but I don't think it could ever happen. I dream of a day I can move on completely from the scars you tore into me. But they will always be there beneath the surface, haunting me, taunting me, twisting me. Since I have been alone, every day has been a day where I seek to be free of your shackles completely. I will be free. I will be happy again. I never needed you. It's empowering to even have such a thought when you come to mind, "I never needed you". I never needed you.